Conventional Santa Monica!

Steve Stajich
Mirror contributing writer

   It started with a letter from City Council member Bob Holbrook. His letterhead had some kind of Santa Monica logo on the top of it, and bold type stating the missive was from him. Much smaller type at the bottom of the page revealed that the letter was “not printed at city expense.” Nah, it just wanted to look like official city business.
   It was really propaganda, in the best sense of the word, from Santa Monicans Fighting Against Irresponsible Regulation. The acronym is “FAIR;” regardless of your take on “irresponsible regulation” you have to concede that’s pretty smooth.
   The not-really a letter from council member Holbrook argued that Measure JJ, the Living Wage ordinance, would cost Santa Monica millions that it couldn’t afford right now. Measure JJ, by giving people more money to live, would jeopardize school programs, police training, affordable housing and “many, many more” programs. Why Bob left out “defense against sea monsters” and “iron gates blocking Satan’s access to the upper world” I’m not sure.
   But rest easy, Santa Monica. We’re going to find all the money we need.
   The L.A. Times reports that Los Angeles is losing convention business. Get this: Des Moines, Iowa, does more convention business than L.A.! For example, Des Moines gets the coveted World Pork Expo, which draws 75,000 people. Convention planners complain that L.A. is too big and too difficult to get around.
   But that’s not true right here in Convention City USA: Santa Monica. Let’s look at three ways Santa Monica can pull in some of that drifting convention business so we can generate revenues, making a Living Wage possible for more people … and putting Bob Holbrook’s budget worries to rest.

   Highlight Variety
   Santa Monica’s diversity is our strength. Materials soliciting conventions should show that Santa Monica is a veritable crazy quilt of textures. Like our Promenade, which features chain retail stores so unique you’d have to drive all the way to Century City to find anything like them.
   Even something as simple as our city streets have tremendous diversity. Walk Main Street between Pico and Hollister. At points, you might be ankle deep in litter or weeds. Now get over to Montana Avenue. Wow, what a difference! It’s like entering another world, one with, say, more property tax income for the city. And while you’re on Montana, stop in for an affordable lunch at Burger King or Wendy’s or… wait, I’m thinking of something else.

   Sell The Night Life
   Most restaurants in Santa Monica are open as late as 9 p.m. on weekends… so you can count on swinging nightlife at the end of your convention day that rocks on way past your bedtime. Does Des Moines have discos and clubs where you must dress a certain way and not be too old and not weigh too much? And if that hot elitist club action is too much for you, don’t forget we’ve got Norm’s at Lincoln and Colorado. Open 24 hours. This month: NY Steak dinner for $8.99, and Strawberry Shortcake for just 99 cents. Beat that, Des Moines!

   Emphasize Comfort
   Yes, you can get a hotel room in Des Moines for less than a hundred bucks. But does the bed feel exactly like the one at Casa del Mar? In the morning, is that a fresh sea breeze in your nostrils, or something blowing over from the bacon processing plant? How much do you want to bet that room service at the Des Moines TraveLodge has never even heard of cilantro, let alone has any to flavor your eggs?
   And when the pressure of convention activity gets to be too much, take a walk on our beach. A beach that belongs to all people, although some people control large chunks of it for their hotels —which make millions by charging $400 a night for rooms that are cleaned by people trying to make enough money to live.

This Week’s “Know Your News” Quiz

1) Police in Washington DC arrested
   a) 600 anti-globalization demonstrators.
   b) 200 “Save Martha ” protestors.
   c) everybody, as a time saver.
2) State prosecutors are taking steps to stop
   a) e-mail advertising called “spam.”
   b) political messages called “baloney.”
   c) sexual content called “knockwurst.”
3) Inglewood city attorneys shred
   a) wheat, making their own cereal.
   b) criminal files of closed cases.
   c) everything, as a time saver.

Answer Key

(a) We need the right to assemble.
(a) We need the right to privacy.
(b) We need room for doughnuts.