A Retail of Two Cities

Steve Stajich
Mirror contributing writer

   “It was the best of shopping, it was the worst of shopping…” Or so might begin the Big Book of KMart.
   KMart is down, not out. A part of me wants their blue light to shine again, if only because I had four or five good minutes of stand up material built around KMart. If it goes down, well, I’m not sure about the market for nostalgia comedy once you get past Harvey Korman and Tim Conway.
   Our generation, to some extent, grew up right alongside KMart. It was something born in our time and no matter who you were it was in your lives. There was a point in time where every place of work had an office ‘nut’ who had two weapons in his arsenal of funny: “I am a wild and crazy guy” and “Attention KMart shoppers…” (I’m not saying these memories are pretty.)
   It has to bother somebody that KMart created the model for Wal-Mart and now, while KMart is gasping and wheezing, Wal-Mart announced last week that it has become the world’s largest company based on sales. That’s a little like Godzilla saying, “I’m the most fascinating thing in Tokyo based on the attention paid to me.” The destruction left by both is roughly the same. Wal-Mart has sustained a pattern of conquest that closes thousands of small businesses and makes ghost towns of the main streets of charming smaller American towns. Often, it plunders, then walks away if things don’t entirely pan out.
   Confronted with this, I’m sure a Wal-Mart spokesperson would point to all the jobs they’ve created. Or that they have, on and off, attempted to stock their shelves with American-made goods when possible. Still, my heart is with people who, say, owned bicycle shops on Small Town USA’s main street for years and were then under-priced and driven to close to their doors when Godzilla stomped into town.
   Let’s sit for a minute with that rather impressive new fact: Wal-Mart is the world’s largest company based on sales. How’s this for an oddly shaped universe: It’s bigger than Exxon Mobil. How are we to stoke our disdain for those ecological pirates if we know there’s a bully that can beat them up?
   Since the game of “What caused Enron?” is getting boring, I’m proposing a new game: What caused Wal-Mart? Yes, they had a take-no-prisoners approach when they set up shop in towns across America. But once the thing is built, what is it that’s happening inside that is working so well, obviously working better than KMart? Did KMart go down the wrong road with Martha Stewart? Did it take on airs; start acting cooler than it was or ever would be?
   Now might be the moment to lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of Rosie O’Donnell and Penny Marshall. I’m not sure I can. Yes, that particular KMart ad campaign was mysterious to most everybody except maybe people who were way too cool to shop at KMart. And if it did have a social agenda component, well, that’s an odd way go against the mainstream appeal of Wal-Mart. Mostly, I think somebody was either in denial or hired the demographic research team from the Dukakis campaign.
   Possibly the Martha Stewart alliance was too little or too much too late. I have to be honest, that one still isn’t clear to me. KMart is where a lot of people go to get windshield wiper blades and folding lawn chairs. How does that carry over to Martha’s lines? “Honey, we need fan belts for the station wagon and… oh yeah, see if they have any dinnerware that’s warm and sophisticated but without pretense.”
   Last week as I dwelled on the house of KMart fallen and the really big house of Wal-Mart rising… lumbering… attacking the planet… I remembered our exertions here in Santa Monica not so long ago over inviting Target stores to set up shop downtown. Remember the mentality of the Target advocates, that having Target in Santa Monica would somehow democratize retail and provide lower income shoppers with an alternative?
   Well, viva la revolution. Looks like if we ever sincerely mean that to be the case, we’re going to have to allow the world’s largest company based on sales to set up shop. Not Target, with its fun and funky Chinese-made fashion knock offs and hip-hoppity TV commercials. Santa Monica might have lived with Target because when the neighbors on Montana weren’t looking, we would have snuck over there ourselves. Some of that shiny design-a-licious stuff looks pretty… taste-y.
   But that’s over now. Santa Monica will need to concede to the people’s choice. Because, with wallet and shopping cart, America has voted for its democratic favorite: Wal-Mart uber alles.
   And why not? According to its own television commercials, Wal-Mart helps more people in need than the Red Cross and the United Nations combined. I sometimes have trouble following exactly what it is they’re doing for people in those commercials. The last several I viewed caused me to believe that underprivileged children somehow got fire fighters to help them Christmas shop for plants and flowers that end up in parks and schools where they are enjoyed by shut-ins and senior citizens who seemingly love to spend all day on their feet shaking hands. It was something like that.
   And now they can help us in Santa Monica by setting up one of their huge brown square monoliths and bringing true democracy to our retail, dispelling once and for all any notion that our town in any way divides along class lines… especially when it comes to the critical criteria of shopping options. On this we are one city, not two.

This Week’s “Know Your News” Quiz

1) An upgrade of Mexico’s debt rating means
a) lower borrowing and more foreign investment.
b) Tijuana’s “Drink Now, Pay Later” plan is working.
c) Robin Williams owes money to Catinflas.
2) LA Mayor Hahn has decided he’s against
a) a second term for Police Chief Parks.
b) working with the very people that elected him.
c) trying to please any of the people any of the time.
d) All of the above.
3) A panel says the Belmont Learning Complex
a) can and should be finished.
b) will give off a soft glow at night.
c) will create the first 50-foot students.

Answer Key

(a) Hello Salsa Disney!
(d) Hello… Jesse Jackson?
(a) Hello, what’s in this water…?