How Not To Behave At A Wedding

Laurie Cohn
Mirror contributing writer

   Though my wedding took place over six weeks ago, in some ways it seems as though it was six months ago. The weather, at least down here by the beach, has rarely been as good recently as it was that one spectacular sunny day in April. This particular column, however, is not to reminisce about that magical day. No, consider this more of a public service, Amy Vanderbilt-Ann Landers-Dear Abby sort of feature. I may not have the qualifications of the above-mentioned ladies, but I’ve been blessed with an abundance of common sense and know a thing or two about human behavior.
   Since my wedding day, I have learned lots of goings-on at the event I was never aware of — both from stories and pictures. The young girls found each other and surrounded the videographer, filled with curiosity about his equipment. The teenage boys were playing games on the lawn. Childhood friends were catching up on each others’ lives. What I discovered recently, however, was not so jovial. I only found out about the incidents because the people who witnessed them really couldn’t believe what they were seeing. 
   A guest, let’s call him Bostwick, took it upon himself to basically steal some of the wedding items. This is not acceptable behavior, and I’m sure Amy, Ann, and Abby would agree. It wasn’t theft in the traditional sense, but it was theft nonetheless. He took numerous frames from various tables that were meant to go home with our friends. These frames were bought months before the wedding, and Michael and I spent a lot of time making place cards for everyone and putting them in the individual frames. A perfect memento of the day, we thought.
Well, it was a perfect memento only if our buddies grabbed their frames and put them away before Bostwick came around. A dear friend of ours, Margot, who is undoubtedly the most brilliant floral designer on the Westside, got up to dance and when she returned her frame was missing. Our friend Susi actually observed Bostwick going to various tables, pilfering the frames, and she too lost hers to our swift-fingered guest. She laughed at the absurdity of the situation. I laughed, too, because when I found out nearly a month had passed since the wedding and Susi told the story in a humorous way.
   What I found out two weeks later was not so funny, and again, I can pretty much guarantee neither Amy nor Ann nor Abby would like it either. Michael and I were married under a chuppah (wedding canopy) decorated by Margot. It looked magnificent, with a beautiful white cloth we had picked out and gorgeous lilies and other flowers Margot had selected. It took Margot hours and hours to attach the flowers and cloth to the iron structure, and she put lots of love into the whole process. Being married under such a work of art was truly a gift.
   Margot mentioned recently the flowers would have lasted for days. We will never know because Bostwick took it upon himself, without asking the bride, groom, best man, or anyone in charge, to dismantle the flowers. Apparently it only took him a few minutes to ruin this unique and supremely lovely chuppah. People witnessed it, and Margot even tried to stop him, but it was of no use. What was needed was someone like my brother, a black belt in Ninjitsu and a very diplomatic man, to end Bostwick’s destruction (and subsequent heist of the flowers). 
   As for me, I only enjoyed the chuppah during the ceremony. I never saw it again in all its glory. When I returned home a married woman, I noticed the chuppah was bare, but there was so much to think about that it didn’t completely register. I’m sure Bostwick’s intentions weren’t evil, but his actions were completely misguided. He almost walked away with a bunch of flower centerpieces, but luckily my mom caught that one and was able stop him.
   There are certain behaviors that are acceptable in public, and others that simply are not. Stealing from a wedding at which you are a cherished guest certainly falls into the latter category. If you ever question your own behavior at an event, and if it’s correct or not, ask questions before butting in. Chances are your hosts have gone to great lengths to make sure everything is taken care of and your help is not needed. Ask for extra gifts or centerpieces if you must have them, but don’t take it upon yourself to take them. When you’re a guest at a wedding or Bar Mitzvah or confirmation or any other kind of special event, remember it’s not all about you, it’s all about the people who invited you and what they want. I’m sure Amy, Ann, and Abby would agree.