I have a good number of friends who are over 40 and single. All are adorable, in reasonably good to great shape, successful, interesting, funny and have great personalities. But they still have trouble finding “The One.”
Where do you find “The One”? What characteristics should “The One” have?
I want to share a recent story about finding “The One.” My 51-year-old friend (Susan – named has been changed to protect the innocent) has been without a steady boyfriend for several years (that means no meaningful sex either!). She’s beautiful, tall, creative, funny, sexy, and smart.
She also knows what she wants. Or so she thought – a guy over 6 feet, good-looking, smart, and successful. She likes nice guys and nice things so she joked that her perfect match would be a tall, hot teacher with a trust fund (anybody know anyone like this?).
She was very clear – until recently. Finding “The One” sometimes does not manifest in the way you expect. Sometimes it’s better. Susan recently moved from one neighborhood, after living there for 20 plus years, into another neighborhood, about seven miles away. Instantly her life began to change.
Here’s where the story really begins. She needed someone to help her move. Her friend had a friend that volunteered. I’ll call him Ken. Ken and Susan spent several days together moving boxes. Little did Susan know that Ken was staring at her butt the whole time! The move culminated with Susan and Ken “making out” in the storage room (remember “making out?”).
Now it really gets hot. Some women give up after they turn 40 or 50, saying they’re just too old or too tired or don’t have any time to give to nurturing a new relationship. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Susan and Ken found that they had a lot in common – out of bed and thankfully in! (I know, some of you readers under 30 are like “eeeewww!” My parents are that old!). Get used to it kiddos! 50 is the new 30!
Susan called me every day to give me the overview. Comments like, “Barb, I still got it! I really love sex!” or “OMG, we did it five times today, I didn’t know I could have that many orgasms!”
Instead of finding the “Tall, Hot Teacher with a Trust Fund,” Susan did find a guy who was over 6 feet and good-looking, but most importantly he was funny, sexy, loving, adoring, liked the same ice cream as she did and loved sushi. And sex. And making out. And sex.
We were talking the other day, and she said that since meeting him, her view on “The One” has changed. The ‘go to’ fantasy was money, power, yachts, limos, private planes.
She says now it’s about compatibility, closeness, common interests, and good sex (although a little money is certainly fun, it is trumped by the rest and frankly if you make sure to keep ‘stability’ on your list of non-negotiables, a little money is typically a by-product!). The more you know yourself, the more you know what you really want.
I kiddingly asked Susan if she’d call me when she “did it” again. We laughed, and she said she would. A couple of days later, I was coming home from dinner with my husband, totally in chill mode. I checked my phone messages, and saw there were two texts.
One said, “We’re doing it!” I broke the silence of the drive and laughed out loud. I answered, “You go, girl and guy!” She answered back, “Ha ha ha ha ha!” Funny girl.
When I talked her the next day, she (and he) were still laughing. Who knows where their relationship will go, long term?
It’s just nice to know that love can come when you least expect it, especially over 50, if you keep you mind and heart open.
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Barbara Bishop is President of Santa Monica-based BBPR, Inc. For comments or suggestions, email Barbara.firstname.lastname@example.org.
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