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Santa Monica, Columnist, Dating

The Dating Report: The Texting Dilemma

Anthea Kerou, Columnist
Santa Monica Mirror Archives
Anthea Kerou, Columnist

Posted Apr. 15, 2014, 9:19 am

Anthea Kerou / Dating Columnist

Hey Anthea!

I met a guy a few weeks ago and we’ve been texting ever since but he hasn’t asked me out. I told him we should meet for drinks and he said we should get to know each other better before that. Is he not interested? – Elizabeth, 26

Hello Elizabeth,

Great question! Firstly the issue here has less to do with him and more to do with you.

It’s true some guys will chat or text with you forever with no intention of taking it further. Maybe they like the attention, maybe they are bored. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what treatment are you willing to accept.

How long are you comfortable chatting without it progressing? For every person the answer will be different. It’s a personal decision, a boundary or standard. Once you decide your personal boundaries then the issue is enforcing them.

Another issue is who is the masculine and who is the feminine presence in the relationship. If he is masculine then asking him out may turn him off.

If he’s dropped the ball by not asking you out – don’t pick it up. Don’t be tempted to take over the masculine role.

You can’t make him ask you out. You can only accept or reject his offer. Right now his offer is only texting. Do you want this or not?

Instead of taking over control you can lead with your feelings. Tell him you’re not comfortable with just chatting anymore.

Or you’re not available via text anymore. You would more happy to meet in person to see if there’s chemistry. Here’s the key. After you’ve told him this, you’ve set a boundary. You can’t continue texting. I repeat do not text!

Sometimes we don’t set a boundary because we are afraid nothing better will come along. This is hogwash because standards are very attractive to the right person. You guys just may not be compatible and may want very different things. If you can’t get out of the texting phase you will never know.

You will be settling for less than you want or deserve.

Anthea Kerou is a Certified Holistic Health Coach based in Santa Monica specializing in dating coaching. She is available for private coaching sessions, email Alternatively, visit or for more information.

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