In Her Opinion

They Say Oui, She Says It Could Be

Laurie Cohn
Mirror Contributing Writer

Happy Bastille Day to everyone! Thinking about the history of Bastille Day, and how the people rose up against the tyranny of the French monarchs, made me wonder what would truly anger the populace of Santa Monica enough that they might storm City Hall. Revolutions are never easy, but sometimes enough is enough, and people have to take a stand. Some of these imaginary instances from the past might seem far-fetched, but you never know. After all, there was life here before the 3rd Street Promenade.

Let ‘Em Drink Sanka

The in-power anti-caffeine contingent made a grand error in early 1999 when they forbid Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and other coffee establishments to sell any caffeinated beverage after 6:00. Panic ensued quickly. The idea was to try to have a more healthy citizenry, but the local politicians didn’t realize their constituents were not the least bit tolerant when it came to messing with their evening lattes. The ruling was repealed after thousands of angry marchers threw their java jackets at City Hall and threatened to buy all the decaffeinated beverages in the city and toss them into the sea.

Wish They All Could Be California Girls

Then there was the day when record heat beat down on the LA basin and the beaches were packed. Women, in their regulation turn-of-the-century beachwear, sat in their long garments, sweltering. The heat was brutal and one Santa Monica resident, Ida Mae Shusterman, perhaps suffering from heat exhaustion, did something that permanently changed women’s beach clothes. She took the scissors out of her sewing basket and began cutting away at her skirt and top. Mouths were agape up and down the beach, men were shouting and women were cheering. Before the police arrived dozens of women followed suit, joined hands and boldly marched into the water, forever leaving behind Victorian beachwear. And that is how the first tank top was worn on a Santa Monica beach.

The Great Surf-Out

And what Santa Monican hasn’t heard the legend of the great surf-out which occurred in the summer of ‘69. Displeased with a new law limiting surfing hours in the Santa Monica Bay, disgruntled surfers of all ages stuck their surfboards in the sand and refused to let anyone into the water. School children cried, vacationers complained and lifeguards closed up shop and went home. Fearing a loss of revenue City Hall caved quickly, and surfers were given the right, in perpetuity, to surf any day, all day long.

No Bagels On Sunday

Americans in the ‘80s ate more carbohydrates than ever, and beach dwellers were not immune to the expanding waistband syndrome. Bellies rolled over designer jeans, thighs jiggled under skimpy shorts and it wasn’t a pretty sight for a casual community where people aren’t shy about showing off their bodies. Health professionals, seeing a future of roly-poly people, urged the City Council to enact an ordinance making Sunday a carbohydrate-free day within city limits. Their preferred vision of slender, attractive folks was endorsed by Council members, and the edict was passed by a unanimous vote. Citizens, fearful that Chinese food-free Saturdays and no-Mexican Wednesdays would soon follow, contacted the ACLU, sued the city and won. Local bagel shops were thrilled with the ruling, and give away free bagels for a week.

Buy American

Trying to do its part to boost the sagging state economy, the municipal government, it its infinite wisdom, decided to bar all foreign-made cars within city limits. Residents were forced to park their cars in Brentwood and West Los Angeles and catch rides home. Social standings were cast aside as free-spirited Volkswagen owners and wealthy Porsche drivers combine resources to protest. Rallies were held in Palisades Park, with speeches and protest songs and angry crowds. Violence was threatened on all sides, and the city was on the verge of civil war. A mandate from President Truman finally returned Santa Monica to normalcy.
   Insurrections can strengthen a community. Santa Monica has been spared much of the social unrest that has plagued cities around the world, and as big as we have gotten, we remain, at heart, a small town. Though far from perfect, we have found a way for most inhabitants to coexist peacefully, and have thus been able to avoid an uprising of the magnitude that our French brethren participated in all those Bastille Days ago.

Viva La Santa Monica!