In Her Opinion

She Says Scoop Da Poop, Or Pay A Very High Price

Laurie Cohn
Mirror Contributing Writer

A walk around Santa Monica is a great way to spend free time. Whether I'm barefoot on the sand or decked out in hiking boots on the trails, walking around town is one of my favorite activities. The sheer beauty of the surroundings keeps me calm before or after an especially stressful workday. If I didn't work, I probably would saunter for hours and hours everyday, looking at the ocean, shops and characters that make up our seaside paradise. Nothing, however, can ruin a good stroll like—grumble, grumble—stepping in dog-doo.
   Lest I sound anti-animal, let me assure you I love animals. My affection for all creatures turned me into a vegetarian many years ago. As a kid I had Puka, a beautiful black lab. We got along real well, and I even taught him to sit and shake hands in one afternoon. Periodically, he would escape and run around the street, finally arriving next door. Our neighbor, legendary singer Carmen McRae, had a soft spot for Puka, and would play with him until I came by to take him home. When Puka spilled hot coffee on my dad, the end was near. When he ate all the patio furniture, my mom made me get rid of him.
   Dogs are entertaining to watch, especially when they're running around, playing with each other. And when they have to go to the bathroom, well, they're not shy about it. Any fire hydrant or grassy area or piece of cement will do. I certainly don't mind dogs doing their business in front of the rest of us. What I do mind is the special breed of dog owners who feel they are above the law and choose not to clean up after their dogs. This is not okay and not conducive to living in a harmonious community where people think about the welfare of others. What makes these residents think it's okay to leave their dog's dung on the ground? It's not. It is inconsiderate, self-centered, rude, and, oh yes, illegal. Responsibilities go with having dogs, including picking up after them. This is basic. If someone isn't willing to do this, they shouldn't have dogs. Or, they should let them poop in their own house and backyard. This way, if they choose not to clean up, they're only bothering themselves.
   Recently I was on Adelaide, one of the most lovely and traversed streets in our entire town. A seemingly decent woman let her dog defecate on somebody's lawn. I said to her, "You should tidy up after your dog." She just kind of mumbled and walked away. I shouted after her, "You're more of an animal than your dog." Passersby thought I was the lunatic, screaming after this seemingly nice lady and her dog.
   Two of my favorite four-legged Santa Monicans are Monroe and Clare. Their moms are considerate pup people and carry plastic bags to scoop da poop. Clare's mom even uses biodegradable plastic bags so the muck and the bag both become one with the earth. Conscious citizens improve our environment, unconscious ones destroy it.
   If common decency isn't enough to make folks do the right thing, there is something called the Pooper Scooper Law and it applies to everyone. The Santa Monica version of the law states "No person shall walk. . .any dog upon any public property. . .unless the person has in his or her possession, and in plain view, readily usable materials or implements sufficient to remove and to dispose of lawfully any fecal matter." In layman's terms, this means carry a bag and use it.
   Though many people get fined for ignoring the ordinance, the penalty is not a big deterrent. I have a solution. Hire special police or animal control interns to patrol the streets looking for these "poopertrators." Next, increase the fine. First offense—$500 and 20 hours of community service. Second offense—$1000 and 50 hours of community service. Third offense—$2000 and 100 hours of community service. And the community service is. . .picking up dog poop, of course! This may seem a bit harsh, but to quote Bob Dylan (who used to have an office on Main Street), "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."